The Big Life Plan

I promised myself that I would get to the studio first thing this morning to start on the hand made Christmas presents....even got out all the stuff last night to get a head start. Am I in the studio,obviously not? Instead I woke up with The Big Life Plan whirling around in my head. Not a good way to get to the studio.

So with pondering illusions of making lists and what I want to be when I grow up, I came to a great insight. Who cares? I am 58 years old, can get senior citizen discounts in some places,not old enough in others. I am not going to live as long as I have already been alive....weird syntax,no? However, there are still a few good/acceptable years left in the old gal. But is there still a need for the big life plan?

Well, dear readers, I think I am way past that point. I think it is time to really take every day as it comes. This has long been my philosophy but I easily succumb to the All-American attitude of "We are humans doing, not humans being." I could only hold onto the take it as it comes for a few days or months at a time before I would start beating myself for not doing enough or for being off of the schedule I had set for myself.

This all came about late in life to me....actually,it all started when my first quilts sold and when my books were published. Prior to that time, I was a wandering gypsy.....moving every two years from theatre to theatre.....leaving divorced husbands in my wake and bringing up my sons in a trunk to be free spirits. Then things got serious...bells started tolling for me. Got married finally to the right guy, that was a good thing, had my last baby....and great decision on my part....and started making quilts.

Being the highly educated, over acheiving, good girl that I was I kept up all the mom/wife obligations and did a pretty good job even if I say so myself....well, at least, no one is a serial killer that we know of, yet. Then the whole quilt world opened its doors which required a plan.

How do you do art, travel, teach and maintain a household? You do everything half way....sure others see you as having it all together but I gotta tell you it is a juggling act of major proportions.But do I have to do that now? What is there left to juggle since my time is all my own?

Having digested this all morning, I am clear as a bell, sharp as a knife or dumb as a post.....take your pick. The answer to The Big Life Plan is there is no plan....been there, done that multiple times....re-invented myself so many times I could have a dozen a.k.a.s. No more of that for me. I have decided who I am right now is just fine for the rest of my life. Certainly, there are still things I would like to do being a curious Scorpio but I don't need a plan to do so. I will just do them as I come to them.

So with the holiday season approaching, I am returning to the true meaning of being together....seeing my family, hugging them at every turn and looking forward to what the new year will bring my way....not planning what I want the new year to bring. Expectations only bring disappointments; no expectations bring constant surprises....some good, some more difficult but hey,you gotta learn to love the rope.

Now that I have trash canned the big life plan, my head is clear and I am content with a small, daily excitement of the No Life Plan.