Things are getting more and more eccentric at Casa de la Swain. Changing styles in my textile work, falling in love again with painting and photography...and then there is the ever illusive quest for continuing creativity through working with Eric Maisel. Still on the road teaching, posting now at the Ragged Cloth Cafe and taking the pledge to keep handmaiden up to date.

Friday, July 14, 2006

To Have and Have Not

It is with heavy heart and much thought that I begin this post. Blogging has been one of the most revelatory experiences that I could have imagined. I learned more about those of you that I had already known for awhile...got to meet new, amazing, insightful women...had fun with quizzes and enjoyed watching and reading about the process of your work. I feel I have friends all over the world that share my same love of quiltmaking, thinking and art. However, I am going to be taking a respite from blogging....stating the obvious.
There are some transitions going on within me right now that I am having to really dig into deeply. They aren't anything worth discussing. It would end up sounding like "poor little me" and I don't want that. Suffice it to say at the moment I am questioning every aspect of my life. It is very uncomfortable and I don't like it but there it is.
Maybe the transition in the work started it all or maybe 5 planets retrograde fell on top of me but this is a down and dirty mid-life crisis. I am keeping up with the business aspects of the work but can't face the studio....walk in, turn on the lights, turn off the light, walk out. To put it mildly, I am empty. Which could be good because that means there is something to fill but at the moment, it is just empty.
Will I ever make quilts again? Probably but for the moment, no. I have lost something inside and not sure, I haven't already said all I had to say. I always used to laugh about being born with the genius but not the talent. Now I think it might be born with the talent but not the genius.
You will still be on my reading list. I wouldn't want to miss Val and a new Bon Jovi clip, or how Karoda is such an inspiration to me....what about that Sonja, whose thoughts and work are stunning and then there is Jen, whose Zen life reminds me of a leaf floating down a river....no resistance. Let us not forget all our Deb's....who keep us laughing and playing and write with great verve. Dear Gerrie...who I have a surprise for...I talked about our deconstruction in the new DVD. And Caity, whose wonderful sense of humor and candor bring me great joy. I know I have left someone out but know that you are all dynamic, thoughtful and compassionate.
When this passes, I will be back I am sure....nattering on as usual. Forgive me in my absence.

21 comments:

Deborah said...

I could write some passe bit like "this too shall pass," (and of course, it will), but instead I'll just say that you have my complete support, friend. Thank you for all your wisdom, encouragement, humor and stunning art.

jenclair said...

I'm sending good thoughts your way. Life is often a series of cycles that must be completed, and we may find ourselves in a period of withdrawal from all of the things that make up normal life. Hope you can remove yourself from the situations (emotional, physical) that are causing stress and re-fuel your creative and spiritual self. Soon. We have missed your presence here...you provide such energy and humor. So take care of yourself in whatever way you need right now.

Rian said...

5 planets retrograde could certainly do it but look at Saturn and Pluto. It sounds like a Saturn influence, but little Pluto can really make you come undone. Nevertheless it will transpire and, as jenclair so aptly put it, the cycle will be completed. Best wishes.

Valeri said...

These things happen! Whatever it is you ARE doing just make sure you have fun! I'm not going to let you escape! Be warned! :-)

Joanne S said...

I know--I feel it too.

Change is coming.

deb said...

The Wheel will turn. Until then,
fare well.

Karoda said...

I hope this is some kind of rhythmic seasonal funk that must simply "be" and that you'll move through it...because afterall, nothing, nothing can keep a good woman down and all that jazz ;)

Deb R said...

Sending good thoughts your way, Gabrielle. We'll be here waiting when you feel like talking again.

{{{Gabrielle}}}

elaine said...

I will miss reading your blogs. You have helped me keep one foot into the world of creativity after my husband left me a year and a half ago and I had to go back to school to get educated so I could a real job. I have too been a transitional 2 year period. I miss sewing and enjoy all the things you and others create.

Felicity said...

Gabrielle, you are a Scorpio, you will rise out of the ashes! Hang in there, it will pass!

Gerrie said...

My dear (yet to meet in person)friend, Gabrielle: I so understand how you are feeling. I hope you can find your inner artist again - for whatever medium that may be. Because, deep down, you are an artist. I am finding that meeting in small groups with others is a big help, but I still can't make it to the studio to start anything. I feel totally drained. My crit group met yesterday and it was wonderful. I have some fresh ideas for a couple of pieces that I thought were done and I am going to pursue those. Lets keep in touch. Are you going to be at AQT?

Trista Hill said...

"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." -- Nietzsche

JulieZS said...

Gabrielle, I know you will make it through this transition or transformation (whichever it is!) with your usual grace and style. I'll be looking forward to welcoming you back to blogging when you're ready to. Otherwise, bonvoyage, sounds like the journey begins yet again.

Terry said...

Gabrielle,I sure will miss your insights and ideas and little nudges that got us all talking and thinking and agreeing and disagreeing from time to time.

"Down time" is important and sometimes strikes when least expected. It is a time to question and find new answers. I know you will. Your strong spirit shines through all that you write.

Take care...

Sharon R said...

Gabrielle

May your soul be replenished and your heart by lightened....

Jo Griffith said...

All of your many fans surround you in spirit as you work through the temporary muck that grabs us all from time to time. Thank you for your art, insightfulness, and honesty.

Rayna said...

Been there, done that, dear Gabrielle. It lasted the better part of a year and then it all came back.

Consider this period as time for renewal of the spirit. Rest, permit yourself to play, and leave it alone for a while. The seeds will germinate underground.

Burnout - it's been coming for a long time, and it will repair itself in time.

love,
Rayna

Caitlin said...

You be GOOD to yourself, sweetie! *hugs* See you when you're ready to come back; you'll be in my thoughts.

cfent said...

you take care of yourslef dear. you ahve been GIVING to others for such a very long time.....you do what you need to fill the well...

please do check in from time to time and let us know how you are....
very big hugs....

Elle said...

Oh noooo...I will miss your postings. Hope you'll come back to us soon.

Karoda said...

Hi Gabrielle, I'm just stopping by the blog to say hello and hope all is well...I also hope you have it set for your comments to roll to your email, otherwise this hello will be for naught :) hangeth in