Things are getting more and more eccentric at Casa de la Swain. Changing styles in my textile work, falling in love again with painting and photography...and then there is the ever illusive quest for continuing creativity through working with Eric Maisel. Still on the road teaching, posting now at the Ragged Cloth Cafe and taking the pledge to keep handmaiden up to date.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Late Night Post That Was Probably Better Left Unsaid

Do you ever wonder why you ended up where you are? For instance, creativity has always been a driving force in my life. I worked in regional theatre from the time I was 18 until I was 30. Also during that time I did spec jobs lettering for architectural firms (before computers and fonts everything was hand lettered). While working in the theatre, I wrote grants, wrote plays, acted and directed. In my spare time I painted my own needlepoint canvas designs. Then quilting arrived in my life and has stayed for the past 24 years. Why is this my path?

It is in the quiet moments of night that I wonder what it is I am really supposed to be doing. I replay all these experiences in my mind from time to time and try to put some order to them. You remember an artist creates order out of chaos. This will probably be a lifetime quest but then it is all about the journey....and to quote Joni Mitchell "Life is for learning."

The question for me is why was I so driven....not ambitious but curious....always asking what if? While this time away from the work has caused some anxiety, it was good. Developed lots of new sketches and now that I am working again it is with a renewed energy. When I first started quilting, all I wanted to do was make one beautiful quilt. Not to be immodest but I think I may have accomplished that. Now the search is to create something visual that effects the viewer like music effects the listener. Not an easy task since music has complexity on a variety of levels....but that's what I hope to do.

You should probably not pay any attention to anything I say since I am mostly talking to myself but it helps to see it in writing.....and out of my head. There are still days when I am not interested in the studio but they are fewer and farther between. I even put stitches in a quilt this week and the house didn't fall down. Occasionally, I wish I could just be happy watching tv, reading and having lunch with the ladies....all good things....but my hardware or software just doesn't operate that way.

I guess I am just taking the long way home....sometimes I feel just a part of the scenery and then a moment of inspiration is unbelievable and unforgettable....and I know there is no way out but this path. Art gives me hope for humanity....that there is still life beyond our current catastrophe and those shining lights will endure.

Late night 2:20 p.m. here probably isn't the best time to post to your blog but what the hey. To all of you who are seeking, playing, questioning, and creating, keep the faith. You make every day better; you are not strangers but a community, a family. I honor your work and your commitment. Off to bed before I get even more weird.

1 comment:

Jeannie said...

Thank you for putting into print what bounces around my head at night. I think that the exploration and experimentation is what makes me happy. The process, not the product, is what feeds me. Thanks for the food for thought of the day. I will mull this over while I pull weeds - my meditation time! Cheers.